| why.can't.i.feel.anything.from.anyone.other.than.you? |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| on this coldest of january nights, we drive out past the runway and watch the planes go flying by.. |
[25 Jan 2005|11:57pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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the ataris - take offs and landings |
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a wave of emotion just rushed over me. of my trip to italy. that's when a lot of things were how i wanted them to be. now i don't know.
this weekend was a great experience. fun but enlightening. i went to the university of rochester for soccer. i've realized i can't play soccer in college. i'm not good enough and i don't think i'd be committed enough. it's so hard to let this chance go but i have to. i love soccer. but i know if i continue, i will grow to hate it. and i just need to end it at this. at this point where i will always treasure soccer. i will always look back and remember all the AYSO games, the MRHS practices, the club teams, the CHSAA championships, the seniors <3. those are good memories. i can't ruin them cause they are among the very few i have left.
i miss my brother. he showed me the greatest time this weekend. i really miss having him around to talk to. i was so happy when i saw him. the frat house, the brothers, the parties... i can't even begin to go into detail about it all. i must say though. i am in love. complete infatuation. he reminds me so much of a boy i used to adore so that may be a part of it. but he was so nice to me. ughh.. my flight was even delayed by a whole day so i was able to at least get another 24 hour dose of his smile.
but i'm back to my high school life.
of midterms
of all-girls
of sleeping in class...
summer can't come any sooner.
and boys that have girlfriends get me so upset.
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(2 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| dame mas gasolina! hahahhaa |
[17 Jan 2005|11:57pm] |
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 grateful |
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music |
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daddy yankee- la gasolina |
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BIRTHDAY WEEKEND = AMAZING
city was so awesome. i was so suprised to see EVERYONE there! i couldn't believe it. my friends fucking rule. mel and steph: thank you for planning it all. there is no one better than you two. <3
18 is sweet.
this week is going to suck BIG HAIRY BALLS.
spanish and calc midterms + basketball + huge govt paper = NO FUCKING FUN.
assholes.
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(6 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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[12 Jan 2005|10:47pm] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
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dream theater - learning to live |
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i miss junior year so much. what a fucking amazing year that was..school, hanging out, new people, everything... AMAZING.
i definitely ate THREE bagels today. that is just gross.
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(4 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| "it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright..." |
[10 Jan 2005|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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bright eyes - if winter ends |
] |
shit has been rough this weekend and today. i'm not excited about
anything. my birthday, my trip to the university of rochester for
soccer recruitment, my acceptance and scholarship to scranton... I
DON'T CARE.
how selfish am i? so fucking selfish. but that's just me. and i can't
help it. january fucking sucks soo much. midterms/finals. and this is
the point where i reeeeeally start to hate basketball. REALLY FUCKING
HATE IT WITH A PASSION. i just can't deal with the crap it entails. i
just get sick thinking about sticking it out for another month, maybe
more...
this is so trite and overstated so many times but i need to get out of
westchester. out of this place. get out of new york completely. i need
something new and different and exciting and not boring. i can't live
this life anymore. i just can't be here.
it's funny how some people just happen to come across songs that they
can 100% relate to. i think i have found my song. needless to say,
bright eyes is ABSOLUTELY amazing. <33
my favorite verse in the song:
"and I give myself three days to feel better, or else
i swear i'll drive right off a fucking cliff
because if i can't learn to make myself feel better,
how can i expect anyone else to give a shit?"
-if winter ends
p.s. RACHEL BLASETTI..
I REALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH! =*( thank you so much
for rescuing my computerrr. DEFINITELY LUNCH SOON, BABE!
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(2 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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[07 Jan 2005|11:21am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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dear diary,
why does everything have to fucking suck so much right now? one night out of the year. that's all i asked for from my friends. whatever. it just really fucking pisses me off that everyone always has god damn excuses. what do you think i am? AN IDIOT? do you honestly think i am that gullible to believing that what you say is true? it really just makes me sick. after all of the times i've been there for you. you just say, "hm fuck it. i can't go because _________ (excuse there)" ok then. don't come. thanks though...for just making this moment so great and exciting and fun to look forward to.
i just can't wait to go to fucking college and get the fuck out of here. cuz honestly, this isn't working for me at all. AT ALL. i need new people, new friends, and a new life.
this doesn't apply to everyone though. only a select few. a true thank you to those who have worked hard on making my day special. i love you.
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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| ...and i swear it doesn't matter... |
[04 Jan 2005|01:24am] |
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mood |
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 quixotic |
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music |
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you know... |
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MY NEW FAVORITE SONG:
Time and Distance - "Pretend you don't know"
(you KNOW you are all downloading it right now, too)
anyway. back to school today. it was horrible.
just when i thought i had finished all the work required of me last
night (stayed up all night doing it), i get BOMBARDED with
midterm/final dates, projects, assignments, tests, homework... WHEN THE HELL IS SENIOR YEAR GOING TO ACTUALLY START?! i honestly have done more work this year than my previous high school years combined... this is just out of control.
and i ask another question: when the hell are these teachers going to go on strike? it needs to happen ASAP.
birthday in 11 days. but don't forget.. i have a basketball dinner on my 18th birthday. yup that's right. i never seem to win!
"And I'm sorry if it didn't quite work out this time.
So you can deal with your regrets and I'll deal with mine..."
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(3 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| let the goodtimes roll! |
[01 Jan 2005|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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Mike Rizzo ft. Allie- Can't Go On |
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happy new year everyone!
i hope everyone had a great night. mine was...interesting. it was really weird and random but fun none the less. meliss and rach were fun to hang out with. =) i can't believe it's 2005. it's my senior year. high school is DONE in like less than 6 months. that's insane. i was a freshmen yesterday. geeez.
i'm making the most of these months coming up before i go to college. i'm going out like a rockstar with my bffs.
today is January 1st. which means 14 days until the 18th birthday! <333
fuckkk yesss!
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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[28 Dec 2004|05:00pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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Led Zeppelin- dazed and confused |
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i am missing the ski trip for basketball.
SUCH FUCKING BULLSHIT! i am sooo mad right now.
but melissa and *NAPOLEON DYNAMITE* made me so happy. what a funny movie.
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(4 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| i've got a hunger i can't seem to fill |
[21 Dec 2004|12:34am] |
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mood |
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grumpy |
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music |
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bright eyes - lover i don't have to love |
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i almost had a breakdown today. i got my period so i obviously was bitchy from that. plus i just wanted to sleep in but i had to go to school and deal with work, gay teachers, and assignments/tests that seem to never ever end...
basketball was fucking ridiculous. i just wanted to rip my uterus out the whole time. he made us run so much. what an asshole. i was so happy i ended practice with my foul shot. i put it in his face. douche bag.
mike picked me up from practice and i just broke down in the car. he stopped driving and was like, "what's wrong? what's wrong? do i have to kick someone's ass?" it was cool my bro was gonna stick up for me. but i honestly don't know what's wrong. i mean i can name some stuff off the top of my head right now (the fact that i am gonna miss this awesome ski trip during xmas break all because of basketball, this stupid fucking drama bullshit i am currently going through with this guy, college stress, all of these damn assignments i have to do over break, etc...) but there is something deeper i can't put my finger on. don't get me wrong. i am happy and i am content with the way things are going now. but i dunno. i feel like there is somehting missing. something i long to have but can never fully grasp. hopefully, this feeling goes away or is fulfilled 'cause i know i am going to go crazy.
mom had really good news for me though when i got home, which got me into a better mood. soccer coach from university of rochester called. they need a forward for the varsity soccer team and he is interested in me! so i may go up there soon and check it out. i'm nervous about calling him tomorrow! =\ wish me luckkk.
i just finished my government paper. i'm very happy with what i have composed. i am exhausted. physically, mentally, and emotionally. i have nothing left in me right now. i can't argue anymore. or play games. or study. or run another damn basketball drill. but oh.. tomorrow is another day which forces me to incur all of these things... again. and again. and again...
christmas break = 35 hours awayyy.
which means parties, boys, and drinks with the ladiesss <3
"i want a lover i don't have to love.
i want a boy who's so drunk, he doesn't talk..."
[bright eyes]
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(1 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| you should KNOW that i get what i want! |
[12 Dec 2004|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
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music |
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kelly clarkson- since u been gone |
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i got my hair cut today. i needed it. it's ok. i miss the length but hair grows back =)
as for kelly clarkson's new song, i fucking LOVE it. omg. after hearing
it, i wanted to see the video. at first, i thought it was kinda gay but
the end just topped the whole thing off! it's something that i would
SOOO do.
...
how can I put it?.. you put me on.
i even fell for that STUPID LOVE SONG.
yeah, yeah, since you been gone
how come I'd never hear you say,
"i just wanna be with you."?
GUESS YOU NEVER FELT THAT WAY!
but since you been gone,
i can breathe for the first time
.
i'm so movin' on! yeah, yeah.
thanks to YOU, now i get what i want,
since you been gone.
you had your chance... YOU BLEW IT!
out of sight, out of mind.
shut your mouth! i just can't take it!
again and again and again and again...
*boys = fucking ridiculous.
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(1 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| "here with you, i have all that i desire" |
[04 Dec 2004|12:09pm] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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music |
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*nsync- all i want is you this christmas <3 |
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i love the christmas season. and with the christmas season comes the *nsync christmas album!... i will listen to it nonstop until january 1st. haha i could never get sick of it.
team dinner was fun last night. i was just soo tired. the food hit the spot. we watched old school together. that movie honestly gets funnier everytime i see it. we all were dying. game today vs victory in the pelham tourney. i want to win really badly.
i just got home from taking my SATs. i only concentrated on verbal cuz my math score is already high. please let me get only 20 more points higherrr...
abercrombie from 6-10. i used to love going to work. now it's crazy cuz the new managers are bitches. ahh well. i'm hanging out with taylor after work ;)
and he won't stand me up either... i'm sticking with the nice guys from now on.
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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[30 Nov 2004|12:31am] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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moody blues- the story in your eyes |
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haven't updated in a while.
thanksgiving vaca was ridiculous. i drank a lot.. and i def felt it at basketball practices.. but whatever.. that's how i work it all off =)
RECAP:
coheed and cambria was on tuesday. me and jess jetted down to the city after my bball scrimmage. it was a fun timeee.. we saw a few westchester kids.. always gotta love that...
PEP RALLY *04! seniors=victorious once again! it felt sooo good beating the juniors AND having the members of the class of '04 come back and watch! 2o05... you want to be us!
wednesday night.. i got high for the first time in my lifee.. it was interesting... i dont regret it cuz i knew i had to try it once... i'm not saying i wont ever do it again either cuz i did enjoy it, but it won't be a habit. me meliss and steph went to WP to see nick.. he told me i looked amazing without my braces on.. he was like "allie otto, you are looking hot. real hot." it made my whole entire night =)
thanksgiving = amazing. i love my mom's cooking. turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, veggies.. <3333 and i def passed out at like 8 oclock too hahaa.
friday i worked from 3-9 and then went and saw the polar express with the fam. i fucking loved it. it was amazinggg! i cried soo much! sabrina knows hahahaa. i suggest you all go see it. beautiful.
saturday was sick. OAR concert... i met a boyy <3 taylor* he was so cute and i was so drunk so i wasn't as shy as i normally would be. but i just went up to him as we were walking to hammerstein and i linked my arm with his.. and he held me.. we got kinda split up though. it was weird. but i saw him inside and we watched some of the show together.. he kissed me.. it was soo cuteee ahh! but then the worst happened. we wont go into detail but i ended up having to leave the show.. but then i finally just took the train home with melissa cuz i was so tired. i was kinda upset i missed the whole concert. and i was hanging out with the coooolest kids too. so fuunny, so amazing. i guess we are gonna have to have a reunion. =) and taylor did call mee too.. so we talk online and stuff. yayyy! hehe
lol last night.. wow. emelyn's boss took me out to dinner. tell me how the kid came to pick me up stoned out of his mind. it was hilarious. he was soo high. the night was enjoyable. he took me to this italian place, drank some wine, had a few laughs. it was good. i dunno if i want to go ut with him again. he called me tonight to ask me if i wanted to go to a nets game tomorrow night.. i SO WANT TO GO! but i have basketball.. of course. blahhh
so there was my interesting weekend. i'm kind of happy with the way things are going now though. i'm starting to actually live up my senior year. i <3 high school!
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(1 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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[22 Nov 2004|01:59am] |
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 satisfied |
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music |
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taking back sunday. DUH |
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wow.
wow. wow. wow. wow!
I FUCKING LOVE TAKING BACK SUNDAY.
no fucking question about it. i want to live tonight ALL OVER AGAIN.
aaaammmmmmmaaaaaaaazzzzzziiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg
<3
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(1 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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[16 Nov 2004|09:41pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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midtown- waiting for the news |
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connecticut came through tonight!
i got out of basketball, was driving home, and my phone rang... and it was a 203 area code (which i know is a connecticut area code)! i flipped out! but i calmed myself and answered the phone. goodness he sounded so hot. we talked a bit. he told me he wants to see me again. ahh! allie = excited <3
i couldnt keep my eyes open in ONE class today. i came home after school and took the best nap of my life. i feel soo much better. i'm about to take a shower, do some hw, and go to bed early.
i need my sleep for the *SENIOR* vs FACULTY DODGEBALL GAME TOMORROW!
prepare for total domination, teachers!
and liz doody. "that 'mountain' was crazshy!"
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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[13 Nov 2004|03:55pm] |
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mood |
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exanimate |
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music |
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hidden in plainview- bleed for you |
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1. choose 15 people from your friends list at random.
2. write something about/to each of them.
3. don't tell anyone who the statements are about.
( Read more... )
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(12 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| i want to be that complete.. |
[10 Nov 2004|12:20am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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peter gabriel- in your eyes <3 (sighhh) |
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senior song for glee club = fucking amazing.
--carol of the bells! AND we are having some members of guitar club like sam =) playing guitar and drums for it! it is going to sound sooo sick. i can't wait.
basketball = awesome.
--practice today was a lot of fun. stations owns my life, literally. and the laughs are the best. crazy tryouts... we're all going down. ::wink, wink::
applications = 70% done!
--i got all but 3 out of 10 apps left to do. the rest i handed in today. and i fucking guarantee all of you bitches that these apps will be COMPLETE by monday morning to hand in! i fucking love when i accomplish something!
concert schedule = fucking wild!
*matchbook romance - tomorrow night at the chance in poughkeepsie =)
*TAKING BACK FUCKING SUNDAY - november 21 at starland ballroom in sayreville
*coheed and cambriaaaa - november 23 at roseland ballroom in NYC
*O.A.R. - november 27 in the city!
....SOOOO STOKED!!!!
school = starting to get more fun and enjoyable
--since a lot of stuff has been lifted off my plate, i'm feeling a lot better. i honestly thought i was gonna have a breakdown like 2-3 weeks ago. everything was insane. but now, it's coasting tiiiimeee!
boys = been better
--but you know what? i honestly don't need anyone right now to make me satisfied. i'm loving shit now the way it is... doesn't mean there aren't any hook ups going on though! ;)
so all in all, allie = HAPPYYY! yay!
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(2 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| why must everything get complicated? |
[06 Nov 2004|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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Fell Far Behind- Just Once |
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i cannot believe basketball has started already. it's crazyyyy. i am kinda looking forward to the season though. last year i couldn't wait for it to end for obvious reasons, but now, i think it's gonna be fun. HARD WORK... but fun. i like the 6 days a week practices, the long hours, the team dinners and gatherings. it's a big commitment... but i still love it.
i wanna be out somewhereeeeee! but no. mom won't let me do anyyyyythhiiiiinnggg until all this stupid college shit is done. i can't let my parents down. they want me to apply to cornell and vassar. so i have all these essays to write for them now. i don't even see myself going to these places. but ugh.. i have to please them and make them happy. so that is what i am doing. blah.
matchbook romanceeee on Wednesday! ohh shit i can't wait to see them again!
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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| she got too close and she caught it... |
[03 Nov 2004|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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The Donnas- Fall Behind Me |
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why do i get myself so worked up over something that i know will never happen for me? i could honestly cry right now. but why? i knew things wouldn't work out the way i wanted right from the beginning. but i love to imagine that they would have. and when i think that good stuff can actually happen to me and imagine perfect scenarios, it all becomes too real. like i think something good will finally come my way. so much for my imagination. it's all just make believe. i need to realize that this is LIFE... not some movie where everything happens perfectly.
i feel so trapped. i have no where to go. this confinement is killing me. i just need to get away. but no... i have to stay. i have to stick this out.
at least i know i have BUSH for four more years... God i love that man. he has soo much class. so much vitality. so much HONESTY. this country is just so beautiful.
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(the greatest fall of all time)
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| pretty-eyed boys girls die to trust... |
[02 Nov 2004|12:55am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Vanessa Carlton- White Houses |
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ugh i hope he calls me. one out of the two guys i gave my # to has called me. one out of two isn't bad but ugh.. where is that phone call i want?! God, he was beautiful. AND FUCKING NICE AS HELL. i think i need some older guys in my life. forget these pansies that are my age. they're douches.
tonight was the cutest episode of everwood ever. i soo was feeling hannah's situation. i have to find a website with the quotes from the show. i seriously cried.
GO OUT AND VOTE FOR BUSH TOMORROW! (or today.. whatever! lol) i really wish i could vote. it honestly sucks...and just thinking about the millions of people who don't vote that can? that absolutely disgusts me. it's just sickening. what i would give to have their vote...
**waiting for my phone to ring with a Connecticut area codeeeeee!
siiighhh.. goodnight.
"maybe i'm a little bit over my head. i come undone at the things he said..."
vanessa carlton
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(2 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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| i want you so bad i can taste your love right now |
[31 Oct 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Janet Jackson- If |
] |
after yesterday morning/afternoon, i was ready to go crazy. soo much
drama that doesn't need to be explained... but most of it has been
resovled. we won our soccer game yesterday. it came down to PKs. we
dominated. i love it.
so i decided, why the hell am i gonna stay home if i have a perfectly
awesome night planned out ahead of me? so i took the opportunity and
went to vassar. i'm so happy i decided to go. i needed to get the hell
away from westchester and all of its stupid bullshit for just one
night. and what a night it was. i was SOOO confident without my braces.
i talked to a bunch of people who were just so sweet and open and so
nice... steph and i got a lot of compliments on our costumes.. we were
coors light girls! =) so cute! and yes we made the shirts ourselves!
hahahaha
i talked to some really cute guys. gave out my number... haha i'm a
dork. but i feel like i havent really done that in a while. i dunno
why. it just felt good to be noticed. and i'm not even talking about
guys here. i'm talking in general.. with everyone. none of these vassar
people (ok maybe one.. but we dont need to go into names. he knows i
want him but whatever... he is a dick) were self-consumed or anything
like that. that was just such a relief. at least i know there are
people out there who aren't all about themselves. and i can't wait to
just enter that world.
i'm so tired though. so i decided to stay home for halloween. first
time ever in my life. ehh i know im gonna regret it later but really, i
can't be going out anywhere when i have a lot of stuff to do.
"if i was your girl, ohh the things i'd do to you. i'd make you call out my name. i'd ask who it belongs to. if i was your woman, the things i'd do to you. but i'm not, so i can't, then i won't, but if i was your girl..." janet jackson<3
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(1 set me up for | the greatest fall of all time)
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